whats wrong with me

my heart feel so stuffed rite now...
need some oxygen!
need something to distract my mind...
oh hopefully i can passed dis feeling sumday...
hating myself rite now..

Lamaran ke itu?

okey ingat lagi x xbf saya Faizal?
hari tue dia kol and we talked for several hours...
updating stuff semua...
then we talk about the reason why we break up semua...
partly my fault and partly for sure his fault lah kan...
tiba-tiba dia pop up dis question...
"Jom Kahwin..."
What the fish! 
pas2 sy reply balik...
i told him that it is not nice playing with others heart...
kahwin bukan pekara main-main
yang boleh dibuat gurau semua...
then dia balas and dia cakap dia xmain-main and dia serius...
dia cakap umur 25tahun nanti saya datang rumah awak masuk meminang...
masa tue kalau awak dah ready ke x kita kahwin...
he sound so serious masa tue...
dia pun ada cakap yang pernah tak i asked him why our relationship end just like that?
then i sentap sekejap hu3 u know why?
because i never bother to asked because i'm putting all the blame to him..
i'm busying being the good ones at that time.
Faizal cakap dia buat semua tu untuk kami. dia nak fokus in building kerjaya dia so that we can proceed with the next step..
so guys what do you think?
adakah itu satu lamaran?
atau faizal just nak messed with my mind?
ha3 one way to find out adalah by waiting until 25 and we see whether dia betul2 datang meminang or x...
=) right now one thing je yang i wish for...
i wish i can find someone who can guide me and can accept me and my family as how we are...

my stupidness is beyond stupidity!

Stupidness? do that word even exist? i dint'n know and in fact i do not even want to know
rite know i feel so stupid and i want to blow my head off with any explosive things!
give me a grenade!dynamite! or anything!!! i want to blow this stupid head of mine...
why i always keep on falling to the same shit all over again...
why i have to fall with sumone who clear enough just want to take advantage on you...
owh maybe because you stupid???
yeah i am an idiot because i fall for an asshole like him...
i keep on stalking his page eventhough he dump me just like that...
why i keep waiting like he would come back to me???
wake up idiot he is not going to come back...
get hold of yourself and move on...
what he want from you is just pleasure and you no that rite...he is no sincere with you you moron!
thank god you are not that stupid and give what he want...
why girl you keep on attracted to a guy that have their dark side more than their good side...
why!!!!!!
he told you rite no attachment in this relationship but still you fall for him and now you keep looking at his hideous page and wining that he just online 6 hours ago! do he even bother to text you???? no rite so get your ass up and move on girl... don't you ever look back again...
let this one time stupidity pass you by... yeah its hurt but it would kill you if you keep holding on to this unrequited love like this... 
van voyage you asshole!!!!!!